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You can’t win a conflict at work. Winning a conflict means getting the outcome'you' want regardless of what the'other' person wants. Since the underlying issue has not been solved, it will simply reappear later. Much better than winning a conflict at work is resolving it. Unresolved conflicts make people unhappy at work and can result in antagonism, break-down in communications, inefficient teams,stressand low productivity. Here are the essential steps to constructively resolve conflicts at work.

Steps

Realize that conflicts are inevitable at work. Whenever people are committed and fired up, or change and new ideas are emerging, conflict and disagreement are bound to happen. This doesn’t mean you have to revel in conflict or create trouble just for the hell of it, but it does mean that when conflict happens it’s not the end of the world. It can be the beginning of an interesting learning process. Conflicts mean that people care enough to disagree strongly. The trick is not to allow the conflict to go on forever.
1. Handle conflicts sooner rather than later.Resolve a conflict when it starts, as it only gets worse with time. Conflicts at work arise not from something thatwassaid, but from something thatwasn’tsaid! Everyone’s waiting for the other to admit he’s wrong and gets more unpleasant after the conflict has stewed for a while. It's essential to interrupt the"waiting game" before it gets to that point.
2. Asknicely.If somebody has done something that made you angry, or if you don’t understand their viewpoint or actions, simplyaskingabout it can make a world of difference. Never assume that people do what they do to annoy or spite you. Sometimes there’s good reason why that person does what he or she does (even the things that really get on your nerves), and a potential conflict evaporates right there. Make your inquiry just that--an inquiry, not an accusation of any sort:“Say, I was wondering why you did‘X’ yesterday” or“I’ve noticed that you often do‘Y’. Why is that?” are good examples.“Why the hell do you always have to‘Z’!” is less constructive.
3. Invitethe other person to talk about the situation. A hurried conversation at your desk between emails and phone calls won’t solve anything. You need an undisturbed location and time to address the issue.
4. Observe. Identify what you see in neutral, objective terms. This is where you describe the facts of the situation as objectively as possible. What is actually happening? When and how is it happening? What is the other person doing and, not least, what are you doing? You’re only allowed to cite observable facts and not allowed to assume or guess at what the other person is thinking or doing. You can say,“I’ve noticed that you’re always criticizing me at our meetings” because that’s a verifiable fact. You can’t say“I’ve noticed that you’ve stopped respecting my ideas” because that assumes something about the other person.
5. Apologize. Apologize for your part in the conflict. Usually everyone involved has done something to create and sustain the conflict. Remember: You’re not accepting the entire blame, you’re taking responsibility for your contribution to the situation.
6. Appreciate. Praise the other part in the conflict. Tell them why it’s worth it to you to solve the conflict. This can be difficult as few people find it easy to praise and appreciate a person they disagree strongly with, but it’s a great way to move forward.
7. Identify the consequences. What has the conflict led to for you and for the company? Why is it a problem? Outlining the consequences of the conflict shows why it’s necessary to resolve it. It also helps participants to look beyond themselves and see the conflict"from the outside."
8. Define an objective. What would be a good outcome? It’s essential to set a goal so both parties know the outcome they’re aiming for. That makes reaching the outcome a lot more likely.
9. Request. Ask for specific actions that can be implemented right away. For example:"I suggest that we introduce a new rule: At meetings when one of us suggest something and the other person disagrees, we start by saying what’s good about the idea and then say how it could be better. Also, if we start to attack each other as we have before, I suggest we both excuse ourselves from the meeting and talk about it in private instead of in front of the entire team. And, what do you say we have a short talk after our next project meeting to evaluate how it went? How does that sound?"
10. Get mediation. Some conflicts can not be solved by the participants alone, and mediators can help. Mediation involves a neutral third party who has been trained in mediation principles, who is experienced in mediation, and who is trusted by the people involved in the conflict. A good mediator will help the disputants find their own solution, not provide advice or push them toward any particular solution.

    Take care when selecting a mediator. The mediator (or mediators) should only be someone who has undergone formal mediation training, has extensive mediation experience, and has mediated under supervision. Otherwise, he or she may do more harm than good.

11. Consult a lawyer. Some conflicts involve disagreement about what is legal, or whether to follow the law. Whistleblowers who report violations may have legal protections, and may consider raising their concerns outside the normal chain of command. If the conflict arises from a fraud to obtain money from the government, whistleblowers may need to follow special procedures to protect their rights. The False Claims Act requires that whistleblowers with original knowledge of such fraud be the first to file their claim, and refrain from public disclosure of certain information about their claim.

尝试翻译几个要点：

在工作中，不可避免要和别人发生冲突。在冲突中不会有赢者，没有解决的冲突被压制，迟早一天又会爆发。比赢得异常冲突更重要的是如何化解冲突：

1. 冲突是不可避免的。冲突不是世界末日，相反，可能是学习新东西的开始。冲突是因为双方都固执己见。关键在于不要让冲突没有止境。
2. 越早处理冲突越好。最好一开始就让它结束。有些话越晚越难开口。
3. 善意的询问。如果有人做了让你恼火的事情，或者你不理解他们为什么这么做，只要问一问清楚就可能让你的想法大不一样。千万不要觉得别人就是针对你。
4. 邀请对方一起讨论问题。不要指望一个电话一封email就能解决问题。
5. 客观的观察。
6. 道歉。冲突的双方一起制造了冲突，为你所做的导致冲突的事情道歉。不是让你承担全部责任，只要你为自己做的事情负责。
7. 赞赏。在冲突的过程中赞扬对方，告诉他们为什么你觉得有必要解决冲突。可能比较难，但会有非常好的效果。
8. 考虑后果。冲突会导致什么？有必要么？考虑冲突的后果可以让你知道为什么需要解决这个冲突。
9. 定一个目标。一个双方都认可，有好结果的目标。
10. 提出请求，看看有什么可以马上去做的具体事情。
11. 找调解人。如果没法靠双方解决，可以找一个中立的调解人。
12. 找律师。